THIS IS REALLY LONG! I need to tell the whole story to get a clear answer!!
I have been seeing my boyfriend now since May and we became officially boyfriend and girlfriend in June. In the beginning the relationship was amazing. I thought “wow, this is the man for me” we saw each other everyday.. and when we weren’t with each other we were either texting or on the phone. I noticed he was always on his phone but in the beginning this didn’t phase me. It wasn’t until about mid June when he asked me to delete his myspace and facebook for him did my suspicions start. He gave me his password so naturally before I deleted I wanted to see his messages. And to my dismay I saw that he was writing to women telling them how beautiful they were and if they could make love and that his profile says In a relationship so he wouldn’t get random messages. I saw this only a week into the relationship so I figured leave it alone guys will be guys. But then two weeks later I'm at his house. He goes to hop in the shower and he left his phone around me I heard it vibrate. I know it was wrong of me but because of what I saw the week earlier I had to look. And I also saw that he wrote to one of the girls in his contact list can we make love. At this point I was like forget this I'm not going to be played for a fool. I confronted him about his myspace and the text and he swore they were just friends and it was just all playing around and he was never going to act on it. From then on I had my guard up.
On July 4th I had a party at my house his whole family came. He was making such a big deal how he was so excited for his family to meet mine so I was like wow he must reaaaaally like me because it's one thing to bring me home to mom but to get our families together is a big thing. That day he tells me he loves me. I was on cloud 9 but he kept on going inside to use the “bathroom” I kind of knew better and when I got the chance I checked his phone. I saw he called his ex girlfriend and a text to her saying I'm at my uncle's party. Not “I'm at my girlfriend's party” and I saw a text from another girl saying I miss you babe, I never see you any more. At this point I am sick to my stomach. I didn’t know what to do so I started rationalizing saying to myself he is with me every day. And this girl says she doesn’t see him any more which is obviously because of me. I also realized he has begun to delete his inbox and outbox almost every night so I knew he was hiding something. So I decided to wait it out because I knew he was going to slip up and not delete one night. But the ex thing bothered me and I had a conversation with him. He told me he is just trying to be the bigger person and be friends with her and he knew if he said he was at my house she would have went crazy blowing up his phone. So I told him that she is obviously still very attached and I don’t appreciate them talking every day and for him to send her a message saying they can't talk any more and for her to please leave us alone. He did so, I felt ok about the situation.
I still kept a tabs on the other girl though and about a week later everything hit the fan because I finally saw messages he sent her saying sorry I don’t see you, I'm just busy with work but nothing changes between me and you (not that I have a girlfriend now me and you are over).. so in essence he was making her still believe they were going out. What made me confront him is she was asking him to chill that she hasn’t seen him in a month and a half (which was how long we were going out at the time, which means he wasn’t chillen with her while we were together) he of course denied it and we fought for hours and he finally wrote her a text telling her I'm sorry but we can't talk anymore. I didn’t take this one lightly I stayed upset but the next day I was fine.
Two more weeks go by so it's now July 25th and I see he has a new number in his phone. A girl from work. I saw that they were texting like crazy whenever I was around and they even sent picture messages!!! I broke down, cried to myself then got really mad and sent this hoe a text message from his phone. She wrote back that they are just friends, nothing like that but I didn’t believe it and felt I still needed to confront him because there is no reason for you to be hitting up a coworker like that. From this a huge fight came about and I told him it's either me or these women. He says it's them hitting him up and he's just being polite by responding. Quite frankly I didn’t care and told him either he changes his number and deletes his contacts or me and him won't work.
This in a way was test ya know. After much fighting and arguing and him telling me he isn’t a child he did it. That to me proved a lot and I was ready to trust him again and stop snooping. August goes by and we had lil fights about his ex because she is crazy and since she couldn't call him any more she randomly stopped by his job and I found out but that wasn’t his fault so I didn’t keep nagging about it.. but in September I go to his computer to check my email and I see he left his up. I was like hey what the heck look through it. And I saw messages from this girl saying hey sorry I missed your IM last night. The emails were innocent all talking about each others life nothing flirty or sexual but I was mad. He hadn't been on AIM since Feburary so why all of a sudden in September does he decided to go on AIM- oh wait I know because I cut off his way of contacting women through his phone!
Again I confront him thinking maybe he will get the picture he tells me she is a friend from high school and he is a grown ass man and if he wants to go on AIM to keep in contact with old friends he can. I told him that's fine but why do the old friends have to be females? He isn't a going out type of guy so I know these girls weren't club or bar buddys and since I've been with him in May, all he did was hang with me so these women must not be too good of his friends if I never wee em chill.. so he promises me he won't go on again and he won't give his number to another women again..
Now comes 2 weeks later and I see a new contact in his phone under brown-work.. and I don’t see any messages in his phone from this person except a new inbox one that seemed like a reply. So I was like ok they were having a convo but he made a fact to delete the messages so I couldn’t see them. So I *67 the number and sure enough it is a woman.. by this time I am so emotionally drained and instead of confronting him I just try to avoid the topic and him. He kept calling me asking me what's wrong and I finally told him. He blew up and said that what he can't have female friends from work? and that I need to stop being so weak and insecure by going through his phone. I told him how does he expect me not to look because every time I do I see something. It's like asking someone who found a 20 dollar bill in the couch every week to not go looking for it next week.. the curiosity is overwhelming and they are ineveitably going to go look. He told me she knows about me and he loves me and he would never cheat on me. What happened in the beginning was the beginning and he is truly sorry but things are different now he loves me and wants to marry me. I said if she's a co worker and you talk about work why did you delete the messages. He confessed that she wrote an inappropriate text saying I will break you and your girlfriend up but he said he handled it by saying you will never compare to my girlfriend. This made me even more upset and he saw so he sent a message saying I have to lose your number, my girl has a problem with it. And her response was ok no problem which solidified the fact that she did know about me. But because of all the prior events my emotions were so hurt and damaged I really couldn’t handle this and broke down crying in front of him! I love him to death and he tells my mother he wants to marry me and even his mother that he wants to marry me which is a big thing for a man to do. And in terms of affection, attention, and over boyfriend-ness he is the man of my dreams. We don’t fight about anything but this texting other women topic. He tries to constantly reassure me he loves me to death and nothing will ever happen. But perception is reality and the things I saw taint his words. We have only been together 5 months and so much drama has happen. Our fights just got bigger longer and more explosive over less and less.
I am surprised at myself I am getting upset over a tiny conversation he has with his female co worker but all I think about is the previous coworkers messages and how they started off simple and 4 days later they were exchanging picture. I just dunno what to do any more. I dunno if I go on the things he says to me and his family and my family and others about how much he loves me and im his soulmate or do I go on his actions and the one simple fact that he can't do what I ask of stop texting women. I know he changed his number which was a big thing and we still see each other like 5 times a week but still I am always jealous and suspicious.
I think my suspicions are condoned due to what I saw in the beginning but I'm torn on whether or not I am over reacting now and I need to chill and let the relationship happen or if I should break it off with him.. the arguments have made our relationship tense and I can tell he is changing with me he isn’t as lovey dovey and he isn't saying I love you every two seconds and he isn’t writing me cute text messages any more about how I'm the perfect women and he can't wait to marry me.. did I push him away? Or are my fights valid?
how many times does something have to hit you in the face before you realize what he's doing. you are insecure and have extremely low self esteem if you will keep listening to this guys lame excuses and letting him walk all over you and parading these other girls around you. what will it take for you to realize if he isnt physically cheating then he is definitely emotionally cheating and to keep you around he will tell you whatever lies he thinks you will believe.
its only been a few months and you have been dealing with his lies from the very beginning. what kind of person puts someone they care about through all that? what else do you need to see before you leave him? an abnormal std test? walking in on him? YOU ALREADY HAVE THE EVIDENCE.
you aren't crazy for being upset by what he's doing. YOU ARENT OVERREACTING however you are playing the fool right now. you know this isn't right. this guy is clearly lying to you and doing tons of things behind your back yet you still keep putting up with it. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE. i know you know it. don't let him sweet talk you into his bullsh*t because this will never change. he will continue to test the limits and seeing what he can get away with then he will blame you for overreacting and being insecure. dont let this douchebag make you feel bad about yourself. all the signs are there already. you know what he's doing isnt right so get out of there NOW and don't let anyone ever treat you that way again.